My book list of 2012

here is a list of some of the books that I read this year that really have impacted my head and heart.
The last one Lioness Arising is one I am still reading through right now, but I know its a good one!

1. The Reason for God-I finished this one recently. Its one of those books that I will read a few time more, as its a deep philosophical book. In other words..it uses lots of big words:) *grin* Why I loved this book is that I am the type of person who goes off of her emotions more than logic. Most of the time anyways. So for me to explain to people why I believe what I do is sometimes hard because its something that I have felt. I know God is real because I have experienced him, but at the same time, that doesn't mean that I haven't doubted him and his existence in my life. What this book is explain to people why God has to exist. It answers all the hot button questions that people ask when seeking out Christianity. For example, why would a loving God send people to hell? The second part of this book goes beyond that. It goes from saying ok, so now I have proven to you why there has to be a God, but now I am going to tell you why you should believe in him and follow him. Needless to say, I loved it. I have never knows how to fully explain to an athiest or agnostic why God does exist if the situation arises. But now I understand their point of view, and now I have words to explain mine. Make sense? Anyways, I loved this book, and I am loving this author right now!!

2.The Meaning of Marriage-This is the fist book I read from Tim Keller, and I can say it changed my life. I highly highly recommend it. It will change your whole outlook on marriage. I am not saying it will solve all your problems and change everything overnight but it will give you an amazing new perspective on marriage. I was so fired up and teary eyed reading this book. I felt like for the first time I finally get it!!

3. The Wheat Belly-This was a really interesting read for me. I have struggled with food issues, and stomach problems for years. I spent A LOT of money years ago going through the whole naturpathic route to get better, but i found the diet was way to constrictive for me to stick with it. What this book did was help me understand the question I had. How can something that people in biblical times ate be so bad for us?? When i started to understand its not the same thing it started to make sense. So back in the summer we went of wheat. Modern day wheat. And I right away could tell the difference. I tried dairy too but it was to hard to get enough fat and protein in me, and again through elimination process I found that wheat was my worst culprit. So here's what do in our family. We eat some gluten free stuff. I found this great mix from a bakery in new west called cloud 9, and its fantastic. I was so excited when they started selling the mix at our local farmers market. My dad bought me a bread machine to make fresh bread for my whole family, and so I am:) Its great! I have made pizza dough as well, which I am still trying to perfect! We eat ancient grain pasta. So Kamut pasta from superstore. I love to bake with spelt flour, its delish!! And then once in awhile we have the regular modern day wheat. I have yet to find a tortilla shell that I like, and we LOVE mexican around here, so again everything in moderation:) I find this way, its a lifestyle change that we will stick with! and not just a temporary fad!

4. Unglued-My mom got this book for me for christmas. I think she was trying to hint something?:) anyways, such a good book. I flew through it in two days! It really helped me understand some things about getting a hold of my emotions. I can be real and say I struggle with patience with my children. I loose my cool and raise my voice, and am not proud of it. I can give all the excuses, of how tired I have been, and how much has been going on in my life, and having young children can be hard, but its no excuse. So its an area that I am working on. It also really helped me in learning how to deal with conflict in my relationships as well. I recently had someone be "short" and "cold" with me in a message. And my first reaction was, well I will show you..not that I ever would as I am a classic conflict avoider..but instead I prayed and asked God to give me the words to be the bigger person and extend grace,.,,so hard,...but I know so important for me and shaping my character. Again, this is a book I will probably read five more times.

5. The Measure of a Woman-I didn't realize till my dad gave me this book how much I struggled with this. I know i have been struggling in certain areas, but when they ask you the question at the beginning of the book what are you measured by. I realized I had no clue. I mean, I could probably list off a bunch of random things, but to break it down into a few core statements; I didn't have the answer. Now I do:) And I am starting to get it and process it and work towards this. Again, always a process and a marathon. Not a sprint! Such a good book!

6. Lioness-Now that I figured out what I am measured by, and the tools I have. Its now time to learn how to use them:) its time to step out of my fears and insecurities and be the woman God designed me to be. So I am reading and learning right now:)

So there is my list!! Hope you read some of these gems, they will change you, I can guarantee that..if your heart is open:)

Inside Out

We are just around the corner from change. My baby boy turns one..sigh, and I head back to work. There is always so many mixed feelings around this change. Leaving my kids is so hard..painfully hard. Trusting other people to nurture, care and love for your kids the way you do, is not fun. So far we have been lucky in the sense that we have had family to help us out. And for the time being this will continue, as I will be working mostly evenings and weekends, so the babes are with their daddy:) But this also brings other challenges, as Dave and I have to work extra hard at finding time for each other. We know this is the new day and age though. That being a stay at home mom is really a gift that most don't get to experience. Dont get me wrong, no matter what our financial situation was I would probably always work as I do go a little stir crazy in the house so much and wiping boogers, and food off the floor all day, but one day it would be nice to get to the point where I get to choose what I do:) Something for me, and to give us a few extra fun things in life..one day.

With the little boy of mine reaching his first birth milestone; I take this time to reflect. To reflect on a year that we say, phew, we survived! My boy is a treasure. No words can describe how he has melted my heart and changed me forever, but this year has been rough. Really rough. We have faced many challenges and obstacles. We continue to face a lot of uncertainty in these unstable times in our world. I know we are not alone in this place, as a lot of people have faced hardship in the last couple of years, and in comparison to others, ours is nothing. But sometimes the walk is lonely.
We have always faced a LOT of illness this year. It was like a dump truck of germs that never ended:)
Throw in a very long year of sleep deprivation...I. am. tired.
I write all this down with one purpose though. To move forward. I need to move forward, I have lots to do, and staying in the past only prohibits me from fulfilling Gods plans for my life.
So I write this year down, and I close the book. I want to come back and reflect in the future, so I can say..see Crystal..see Gods promises fulfilled. And I know when this season of our life closes and we move onto the next one, I will look back with gratitude because everything we have gone through the last couple of years, everything I have gone through, has brought SO much growth in my life.

I have read, and read, and read this year; and I continue to do so. I crave knowledge and wisdom, I crave peace and simplicity. I crave realism and authenticity. I crave love. I want to be surrounded by it, and give it freely. I don't want to hold back, but I am also learning boundaries; huge boundaries. I am learning to love myself  better, and my ever changing post baby body. I am learning where my worth lies, and how I am measured. And its not with a measuring tape:) PTL,
My spirit is calmer, and getting stronger daily. I have set backs, and melt downs and lots of questions why..but I am human, made in his image.
I have been humbled, shook to the core, brought to my knees and daily renewed by his spirit in me. I am learning what it means to say he is in me. Its a knowledge that has lived in my head for years, and from time to time experienced in my heart, but not a daily drawing on. A constant reminder and reflection of the power that is in me because he is in me.
I am learning how destructive self talk can be, and learning how to renew my mind..its hard..really hard.
I want to be more than myself. I want to be more than the daily list the world tells me to be. I want to be used for his glory instead of my own. My way doesn't work very well. I am learning to let go of the control. Its hard; Im trying. I am learning to forgive myself as I know how to so graciously to others. My own worst critic I will no longer be. When I love myself better I love others better.

I am discovering faith in action. I want more of it. I want to see miracles in my life and in those around me. I am learning to believe in the power of them in our day in age, I have seen them before, I have experienced them before, I will see them again. I want to open my eyes to be able to see them.

I am learning to pray; really pray. I want to do more. I will always want to do more, because that is living and breathing as it is.

I want to continue to be humbled so He can be great. I want people to see his greatness through me.

I want my kids to know his light. I know they already see it, but I want them to encounter it to its fullest!

This is my continuous prayer for this year. I will be back with the breakdown how each of these things have been transforming in my life.  

Praying for you...